Baron Zemo's Lair. - <font color=lime>A theory about the Hooded Hood's true secret identity ...</font>

Baron Zemo's Lair

A theory about the Hooded Hood's true secret identity ...
Friday, 20-Aug-1999 04:02:17
204.34.131.2 writes:

Oh, sure, we've all grown used to the idea that he's merely a fictional character, created by some English person named "Ian Watson," and most of us blindly accept this so-called fact, without any question, but lately, I've begun to suspect that this so-called "Ian Watson" person is nothing but a sham, a fraud, a lie created by an evil so great that it dare not speak its own name (no, not that kind ... yeesh, get your mind out of the gutters), and that this evil is using the identity of this supposedly real "Ian Watson" character in order to carry out its own dastardly agenda in disguise, a feat not at all outside the scope of reason when one considers the traceless anonymity provided by the internet.
So, who do I believe is this evil force that has pulled the wool over all our eyes, using the ruse of "Ian Watson," an English person (and while we're at it, who here really buys the notion that there can possibly be such a place as this patently unbeliable country of "England"? I don't!) whom none of us have ever seen in person?
Brace yourselves, for the stunning brilliance of my revelation may well blind you if you gaze directly upon it.
The Hooded Hood is really ...
The HOODED CLAW, from the 1970s Hanna-Barbera cartoon "The Perils of Penelope Pitstop", which in turn was a spin-off of the famous "Wacky Racers" show, featuring Dick Dastardly and Muttley, that can be seen regularly on Cartoon Network!!!
Yes, it's all true, and what's more, deep down in your hearts, you all know it to be true - especially you, "Ian", not that that's really your name at all!
No, indeed "Ian" cannot deny it, for in real life, he is actually the Hooded Claw, a.k.a. Sylvester Snidely, executor of the last will and testament of Miss Penelope Pitstop's deceased parents, and sole beneficiary of her entire estate, should anything ... unfortunate happen to her.
Jesus, it's so OBVIOUS; THAT'S why he's always dressing up in that ridiculous green-and-purple silent movie serial villian getup, and setting up all those elaborate plots to have Penelope Pitstop get killed and still make it look like it was an accident - I mean, what, like you guys can't SEE this, even when his bungling twin henchmen constantly screw up his plans???
What ARE you people, BLIND!?!?!?
After all, the similarities between the Hooded Claw (who is a real person, and not just a cartoon, damn you all!) and the "imaginary" character of the Hooded Hood (at least, imaginary according to this "Ian" person, whom none of us can even prove exists) are so clear:
1. THE HOODED HOOD always includes the pursuit of Lisa, an infamously hot-to-trot babe who's always involved in adventures via her association with the Lair Legion, into all of his meticulously constructed schemes of cosmic conquest.
Likewise, THE HOODED CLAW always includes the pursuit, capture, and goal of eventually killing off Penelope Pitstop, a seemingly wholesome yet undeniably sexually irresistible blonde who's always involved in adventures via her involvement in the Hanna-Barbera Wacky Races, into all of his melodramatically paced and overly complicated schemes of ill-gotten financial gain.
2. THE HOODED CLAW suffers continual setbacks in his nefarious crminal goals, due partially to the incompetence of his own humorously inept hired hands, such as the above mentioned Dum-Dum Brothers or even the mechanical contrivances that he conceives to carry out his wicked deeds, but often his failures owe more to the interference of the Ant-Hill Mob, a bunch of midget gangsters meant to parody such cinematic tommy gun-wielding wiseguys as Edward G. Robinson in his oft-caricatured role as Little Caesar (no, not the "Pizza Pizza!" guy in the toga, you maroons; cripes, go watch some Turner Classic Movies or something), who succeed in saving the damsel in distress despite their own limitations.
As well, THE HOODED HOOD suffers many setbacks in his path to universal domination, due partly to the errors and lack of cohesive teamwork among those pawns which he has chosen to manipulate, to include not only the Purveyors of Peril but also his infrequent allies in the Baron Zemo-run Scourge of the BZL, but often the thwarting of his diabolical dreams of dictatorial rule owes more to the interference of the Lair Legion, a bunch of semi-super semi-powered semi-heroes meant to parody such oft-copied comic book archetypes as those of Thor, Iron Man, pretty much the entire Avengers lineup, who succeed in saving not only the randy damsel in distress, but also the whole of the known Parodyverse as well, in spite of their obvious inadequacies.
3. Finally, the most damning evidence of all, THE HOODED HOOD is articulate in his speech, and prone to fits of menacing, cackling laughter.
So is THE HOODED CLAW.
Coincidences, all three?
Somehow, I think not.
Yes, you may all choose to lie to yourselves about the frightening reality of the situation if you wish, but I know the truth, and no one can stop me from revealing the shameful truth behind your secret identity, "Ian".
You can't hide from justice forever, Sylvester Snidely.
So, who's with me on this?
Anyone?
Hello?

CrazySugarFreakBoy!